so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
