well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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