it's like iHOP with fire
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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