we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
