It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
