the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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