tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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