I just cut my nipple shaving
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
