'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
