you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
