Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
