Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Fuck appropriateness.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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