So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
