I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
