I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
