She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
