how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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