dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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