I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
