i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
