Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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