He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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