He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
