I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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