Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
