I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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