im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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