im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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