if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
