he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
