I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
