I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
