you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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