She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
