He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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