yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
