i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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