I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
