That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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