Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
