he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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