You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
