this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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