how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
