he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
