I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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