i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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