True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
