I like to think it a success when the cops are called
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
