lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
