anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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