I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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