It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
