he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I still have a little drunk in my system
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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